Pinky And The BAU
by CanzetYote
Summary: Pinky and the Brain become agents for the BAU in an elaborate plot for world domination but can they handle the task of catching a bizarre serial killer who is using her custom made car wash as a murder weapon?
1. Pinky And The BAU

**NOTE**: _This is a crossover fic I'm working on of Pinky And The Brain meets Criminal Minds. In this fic, Pinky and The Brain replace David Rossi and Alex Blake as agents. The unsub the BAU faces in this case is an angry teenage girl with a killer car wash who targets the elderly. _

On a farm, out in Kansas stood a garage. But it was no ordinary garage. The garage was completely refurbished into a car wash with sparkly, hot pink car was brushes. A teenage girl stood at the operating window, Katy Perry's "Hot And Cold" was blasting from her computer as she pressed a few buttons. Inside the garage, a car with an old man in it sat. Suddenly, the hot pink brushes started spinning and caved in the car. The man began to panic as it was getting crushed. Suddenly, blood burst everywhere, all over the interior of the crushed car.

The girl at the keyboard grinned, "Daddy, get the forklift! The garage needs cleaning again!"

Meanwhile, at the FBI HQ, Morgan and Garcia were walking, "So, how was the renaissance fair, baby girl?"

Garcia grinned and rocked on her heels, "It was amazing. We all got up and LARPed our asses off. I was a beautiful maiden and this one guy who was totally not Kevin was my knight in shining armor."

Morgan frowned, "Aww...come on, baby girl. You know I'll always be your knight in shining armor."

Garcia chuckled a bit and kissed Morgan on the cheek as Hotch walked by, "We have a case, everyone."

"All right, then. How about we get this show on the road?" Morgan asked.

"Yes, but first we need a couple agents to fill in for Rossi and Blake." Hotch replied.

Morgan shrugged, "Where are we going to recruit new agents at this hour?"

Meanwhile, Pinky and the Brain were outside. Brain wore a suit and tie while Pinky wore a red dress with a blonde wig and heels. Brain turned to Pinky, "All right, Pinky. Once we're done catching the killer, the BAU will praise me as one of their own and once I get a big, shiny medal of honor, I'll use it to hypnotize the world and all shall bow down before me!"

Pinky clapped his hands excitedly, "Egad, brilliant, Brain! Wait, no no no. What if the BAU takes over the world before us?"

Brain shook his head, "Pinky, that will never happen."

And so, the two mice entered the conference room, they were greeted by Hotch, Morgan and Garcia. Hotch walked up to Brain and shook his hand, "You must be Brain, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm SSA Aaron Hotchner and this is SSA Derek Morgan and our tech analyst, Penelope Garcia."

JJ and Reid were walking down the hall together and Reid was in the middle of a rant, "So, you see, JJ. Animaniacs was more than just a cartoon, it was an educational work of art, I mean, have you seen Yakko sing the world song? Rob Paulsen memorized it all by hims-"

JJ suddenly interrupted the rambling genius, "Reid, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

Reid shrugged, "I think so, JJ but Jar Jar Binks, did he really deserve to be in Star Wars?"

JJ lightly thwapped Reid on the head with a rolled up newspaper, "No, we have a case."

Reid and JJ filed into the room and they smiled at the two lab mice. JJ spoke up, "You two must be Agent Pinky and Agent Brain. Pleasure to meet you, I'm SSA Jennifer Jareau but you can call me JJ and over here is Doctor Spencer Reid."

Reid waved at the two mice and started ranting, "Did you know that as years pass, human experiments continue to anthropomorphize animals even more? Back in 1957, a dog named Laika was the first dog sent to outer space and chimpanzees are often taught sign language to communicate. Lab mice as FBI agents sound like a bit of a stretch but nowadays, science can make almost anything possible. Almost."

Pinky got a big grin on my face, "Wow! So does that mean I can make ice cream that isn't cold? NARF!"

Reid shrugged, "Sure, just put it in the microwave for about 10 seconds and it's done."

Pinky started clapping, "Egad, Reid, you are brilliant!"

Brain konked Pinky on the head, "Stop acting like an imbecile, we're part of the BAU now, remember?"

"Oh, right-o, Brain. Hahahahahahaha, NARF!" Pinky chirped happily.

Morgan turned to Brain, "Is he always like this?"

Brain shook his head, "Oh, you have no idea..."

Suddenly, Hotch's phone started ringing and the ringtone was Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up". Brain, Morgan and JJ all gave him weird stares, "What? Don't even think about profiling me for that one."

Hotch picked up and phone and heard Rossi on the other end, "Oh, hey Rossi. How's your Italian vacation going?"

Rossi was on the other end, shaking his head, "Not so good, Hotch. I just ate at the worst Italian restaurant ever and this is supposed to be authentic Italian cuisine. It seriously made me want to grab a barf bag. The spaghetti was burnt and the pizza had too much grease on it. This is Italy, Hotch. There's no excuse for that!"

Pinky giggled a bit, "Oooh, he sounds mad. Zort! You suppose a bug crawled into his underwear, Brain?"

Brain banged his fist on the table, "CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THIS INFERNAL CASE ALREADY!?"

There was a stunned silence and Hotch shut off his phone, "Sorry, Rossi. I'll talk to you later."

Pinky scratched his head, "Hey, poit. Whatever happened to Alex Blake?"

"You're her replacement." JJ exclaimed, "She was chased off the set and mauled by angry Emily Prentiss fans."

Pinky shivered a bit, "Gee, I hope the Prentiss fans don't go after me. That sounds scary!"

Reid shook his head, "Don't worry about it, Pinky. You're too loved a character to be bashed like that."

Pinky grinned a little, "Thanks, Reid. Why do they call you Reid anyway? Is it cause you read a lot of books? And why are you a doctor, ZORT? The only Doctor I know is Doctor Pepper. Hey, do you like Doctor Pepper? I like Doctor Pepper! Sometimes it gives me gas, though and..."

Before Pinky could finish, Brain bonked him on the head. Morgan turned to Garcia, "Okay, baby-girl. Let's explain the case."

Garcia clicked a button on her remote, "The case takes place in Witchita, Kansas. Two bodies have been found so far in a landfill, Hortense Marshall and Dan Winters. Both were inside small, compact cars that were crushed by some strong force. Both were elderly and had fractures everywhere."

"It looks like they were crushed to death in their own cars. The unsub may have had access to heavy machinery." Morgan commented.

JJ nodded, "Whoever did this to them must have had a lot of anger inside them."

Pinky suddenly hopped up, "How could a subway sandwich kill people? Maybe they were allergic to mayo and is was an evil sandwich! Booooooo, NARF!"

Once again, Brain konked Pinky on the head and he laughed. Reid turned to Pinky, "Unsub means unknown subject. In other words, someone who committed this crime."

"You know, like a serial killer." Morgan added.

Pinky scratched his head, "That makes no sense, why would anyone want to kill a box of cereal? That's not very nice..." Tears welled up in Pinky's eyes and he started sniffling, "Poit. Poor cardboard and little color changing cereal spoons inside."

Pinky suddenly burst into tears and JJ patted the sensitive mouse on his head, "Um...there there..." It felt awkward for JJ to comfort someone who thought cardboard was a living thing.

Hotch cleared his throat, "Anyway, back to the investigation. Although many tornadoes come and go through Kansas, it's not currently tornado season which can mean only one thing: foul play."

"Foul play?" Pinky chimed in, "Gee, I don't know how chickens are involved in this but NARF!"

Hotch ignored Pinky's inane comment and continued, "We'll study the case more when we get there, we've wasted enough time. Wheels up in 20."

"Oooh, troz! I just LOOOVE cheese wheels." Pinky clapped merrily, hopping up and down.

Meanwhile, a blonde, blue-eyed teenage girl in a pink cheerleader outfit was standing on a corner holding a stack of flyers when suddenly a car pulled up.

A teen boy with curly brown hair smiled at her, "Free carwash, huh? Does that come with extra wax?"

The girl leaned into the passenger's side window and glared at him, "NO TEENS ALLOWED!"

The teen boy grinned, "Playing hard to get are ya?"

The teen girl suddenly whipped out a tazer and snarled at him, "One more word and I WILL FRY YOU!"

Panicked, the teen boy sped away and another car pulled up to the girl. In the car was a little old lady and she smiled at her, "Free car wash?"

The girl leaned into the window and smiled at her, "Of course, but it's at my house. My daddy turned the garage into a car wash."

The old lady nodded, "All right, sweetie. If you insist, I'll let you wash my car."

The teen girl's smile slowly widened into a wicked grin.

*Criminal Minds theme song starts playing*  
Maurice Lamarche *Brain is reading a science textbook*  
Shemar Moore *Morgan is chasing after someone*  
Matthew Gray Gubler *Reid is holding up a bag of some sort*  
AJ Cook *JJ performs a roundhouse kick on a door*  
Kristen Vangsness *Garcia is typing away at her computer*  
Rob Paulsen *Pinky is dancing in a hula skirt*  
and  
Thomas Gibson *Hotch is standing beside a police car, firing a gun*  
*Camera pans out to reveal Hotch, Reid, JJ, Morgan, Garcia and Brain's head photoshopped on Rossi's body and Pinky's head photoshopped on Blake's body*

**NOTE: **_What do you think of it so far? Feel free to read and review!_


	2. Arrival In Kansas

**NOTE:** _Here's the 2nd chapter. The team interviews the families of the victims here but don't get any closer to finding out the killer. You may have to wait 2 to 3 more chapters for that part. Anyway, Pinky becomes good friends with Reid in this chapter. Somehow, I can see Pinky and Reid becoming friends. I don't know why, I just do._

The BAU jet took off in the direction of Kansas as Reid read a quote: "The Brain once said "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"Hey, quit stealing my lines!" Brain shouted at Reid.

"Sorry." Reid replied.

Pinky and Brain were near the back on the jet as Brain looked out the window, "All that open farmland, brings back memories, doesn't it?"

Pinky shrugged, "I have no clue, Brain. ZORT!"

Brain let out a sigh, "Remember when we were storm chasers and that one guy nearly killed us?" Pinky blinked his bright blue eyes with a blank look on his face and Brain looked annoyed with him, "Remember that scarecrow you blubbered like a fool over?"

Pinky nodded, "Naaaaaarf! Poit! Egad, Brain, you remember all that?"

Brain sighed, "I remember all our schemes, Pinky."

Pinky, still in drag, looked down at his high heels and giggled, "Don't I look beautiful like this?"

Brain shook his head, "You know, Pinky, maybe you should get rid of those high heels. If you're chasing after a psychokiller, it's probably not a very smart idea to wear them."

"But, Brain..." Pinky whimpered, "They're so stylish and they bring out my fur tone!"

Brain rolled his eyes, "Seriously, Pinky..."

Meanwhile, at the front of the jet, Morgan and JJ were discussing the crime scene photos. Morgan sighed, "These cars were crushed with the people still inside of them."

JJ examined the photos, "Both victims were elderly and white, perhaps they're surrogates for someone who hurt the unsub at some point in their life."

"Only something like a car crusher could do this to the victims. Thing is, it appears the cars were crushed from the sides and not above." Morgan explained.

"Maybe the unsub has access to custom built equipment." JJ noted.

Morgan shrugged, "It's possible."

Down the aisle, Brain got up and walked over to Reid who had a chess board out, "I see you like chess." the large-headed mouse noted.

Reid nodded to Brain, "You can play with me if you like."

Pinky got up and walked over to where Hotch was sitting. He was also examining the crime scene photos, "Narf! Hello, mind if I sit with you?" Hotch didn't reply as Pinky plopped down next to him, so Pinky spoke up to him, "Who were you talking to on the phone?"

"Oh, that was SSA David Rossi, he's on vacation in Italy to try and get in touch with his roots." Hotch replied to the red-nosed lab mouse.

Pinky smiled, "Poit. I didn't know David Rossi was an uprooted tree with his roots in Italy. Wow. Trees as FBI agents, who knew? Troz!" Hotch rolled his eyes and Pinky looked at the crime scene photos, "What are you looking at?"

"The crime scene photos." Hotch replied, "Care to have a look?"

Pinky nodded, "All right." Hotch handed Pinky the photos and he cringed, "Oh, what a total waste of good ketchup. Narf!"

"That isn't ketchup, it's blood." Hotch replied.

Pinky froze and began shivering, "V-v-v-vampires!" Hotch rolled his eyes again at this and put away the photos.

Down the hall, Morgan got up and walked over to Reid and Brain who were playing chess, "Hey, geniuses. Which one of you is winning?"

Brain grumbled a bit, "He is...curse him!"

Reid smiled and rubbed his hands together, "Just three more pieces and I win."

"In your dreams." Brain grumbled.

Morgan chuckled a bit, "Looks like someone here is a sore loser. Anyway, I'm here to tell you that we're ready to touch down in Wichita. I think the newbies here should know the drill when we set up base at the station."

Brain glared at the bald, African-american agent, "Newbie? Are you implying that I'm some sort of message board moron?"

"Sorry, I meant to say the word rookie." Morgan smirked. Brain clenched his fists, anger coursing through his veins.

Pinky turned his attention to the conversation, "Oooh, rookie rhymes with cookie! You know, I could really go for a cookie now, zort! Too bad it will all go to my hips."

Brain rolled his eyes as the BAU jet touched down.

Later, the agents all entered the Wichita Police Department office and an officer came up and greeted the BAU, "You must be Agent Hotchner, I'm officer Justin Time, sheriff of the Wichita Police Department."

Pinky giggled a little, "Justin Time...Ahahahahaha...egad, brilliant! TROZ!"

"Pinky, this man is an officer of the law. Have some respect." Brain reprimanded the taller mouse.

"Sorry, Brain." Pinky snickered, "But it's just SO funny!"

Justin scratched his head, "Since when did two genetically altered lab mice become members of the BAU?"

"They're temporary replacements for Rossi and Blake." Reid explained, "Going up against serial killers with two agents missing in action isn't exactly a wise idea."

Justin chuckled a bit, "Well, you guys look desperate enough. All right, you guys can set up work at the office."

Pinky turned to Brain, "Oh Brain, this is going to be so much fun! We'll get to see the city of Wichita! Hey, isn't this the place where witches are born?"

"We're here to catch a serial killer, Pinky." Brain grumbled, "This is not fun fun silly willy time."

And so, the agents entered an office and sat around a table. Hotch spoke up, "All right, everyone. The first thing we need to do is split up."

Pinky gasped, "S-s-s-split up? But...but we're like a FAMILY!"

Brain sighed, "Look Pinky, we've only known these guys for a few hours. You shouldn't be so sentimental."

Pinky nodded and sniffled. Hotch looked over at Brain, "I don't think Agent Pinky should interview the victim's families."

Brain nodded, "I agree, it might be too much for his juvenile mind to take."

Hotch turned to Reid, "Reid, you stay here with Pinky and review the crime scene photos. JJ and I will visit Winters' family. Morgan, you and Brain will talk to Hortense Marshall's family."

Morgan nodded, "Will do, Hotch."

Meanwhile, an old lady and the blonde teenage girl were driving down a dusty dirt road when they saw a beautiful pale yellow house. Upon pulling up in the driveway, the teenager pulled a garage door opener out of her pocket and pressed the button. The garage opened to reveal a custom built carwash with tall, sparkling pink brushes on the sides. The old lady adjusted her glasses, "But I don't like brushes, they scratch the paint job on the car."

The teen girl glared at her, "Too bad, so sad." The teen exited the car and walked up to the driver's window and spoke to the old lady, "It's free, you should be grateful for my offer."

"Sorry, no thanks." The old lady replied.

Suddenly, the girl lost her temper and whipped out her taser, "Get in the garage or I WILL zap you and that is a PROMISE, not a THREAT!" The old lady stared at the girl with a look of complete shock on her face.

Meanwhile, Reid and Pinky were sitting in the office, looking at the crime scene photos. Pinky rubbed his chin, "It almost looks like they were crushed at a monster truck rally. Zort!"

Reid thought about it for a bit, "No, that couldn't be it. If the cars were wrecked via car crusher or monster truck rally, they would be vertically crushed but these appear to be horizontally crushed."

Pinky looked over at Reid, "Are you sure the unsub isn't a vampire?"

"Some serial killers hold the title of vampire: Richard Chase was often referred to as the Vampire of Sacramento and Peter Kurten was often called the Vampire of Dusseldorf but neither of them was an actual vampire." Reid replied.

Pinky shrugged, "Poit. So, why were they called vampires then?"

Reid looks over to Pinky, "Richard Chase engaged in cannibalism. In other words, he ate human flesh. Peter Kurten was sexually aroused by the sight of blood."

"Ewww..." Pinky cringed, "I won't ever look at ketchup the same way again. Well, at least the unsub isn't a vampire."

Reid gazed over the photos, "You know, Pinky, what if the victims were put into a custom built death trap?"

"Like a mouse trap?" Pinky asked.

"Sort of, but a big trap for humans. Wherever these cars were crushed, they were most likely transported to the dump site via forklift." Reid replied.

Pinky nodded, "Naaaaaarf. So, why do they call you a doctor, anyway? Do you stick that freezing cold heartbeat listeny thingy on people's chests?"

Reid smiled at Pinky, "Actually, I'm more of the psychological sort of doctor. I study the mind and behavior."

"So...does that make you a shrink?" Pinky asked, "Brain always told me I needed a shrink but I think I'm small enough already, hahahaha. Narf!"

"Well..." Reid began. Afterwards, Reid and Pinky had a really long and awkward conversation with each other about doctors, soda and forklifts.

Meanwhile, Hotch and JJ were interviewing Dan Winters' family.

"We're truly sorry for your loss, miss Winters." Hotch said, "Is there anything you can tell us about Dan?"

Miss Winters sighed, "Dan liked to keep to himself a lot. He was very private and very stingy with his money. I was always the one to pay for his gas when we went on car trips."

"Did he save up for things that were outside his budget?" JJ asked.

Miss Winters nodded, "Oh, yes. He liked to collect antiques. And by antiques, I mean the real expensive ones."

Hotch rubbed his chin, "Did he have any known enemies or anyone who wanted to harm him?"

Miss Winters shook her head, "No, like I said, Dan kept to himself a lot. Even after we married, he was pretty reclusive."

"Got it." Hotch replied, getting on the phone with Morgan, "Morgan, you got anything on Hortense Marshall?"

Morgan shrugged, "She's clean as a whistle. Quiet, friendly but keeps to herself, no enemies. The only reason someone would want to kill her in such a violent way is the fact that she could be a surrogate for the subject of the unsub's hatred."

"That would make sense, considering the age of both victims." Hotch replied on the other end of the phone, "We'll regroup back at headquarters and think this one over."

"All right, Hotch." Morgan said, closing his cellphone.

The Brain turned to Morgan, "What did he say?"

"He told us to regroup at headquarters." Morgan replied.

Brain grumbled a bit, "Meanwhile, the unsub is still out there killing old folks. At this rate, we'll have to wait for a third victim to show up."

"Wow, that's a real positive attitude." Morgan replied sarcastically.

"Hmph, I'm just telling it like it is. We'll be caught in a wild goose chase until the unsub leaves behind some forensic clue." Brain grumbled.

Meanwhile, the old lady watched as the pink car wash brushes slapped against the window of her car. In a completely idiotic move, she opened the door of her car and stepped outside only to be smothered to death by the spinning, hot pink mass. Screaming, the old lady was crushed against her car and sandwiched up against it, blood dripping from her mouth. Electronic buzzing was heard and the overheard sprinklers turned on, washing the bloody mess down the drain. Inside, a teenage girl was at the control panel, jamming to her Katy Perry CD, drowning out the muffled screams with modern pop music.


	3. The Profile

**NOTE:** _No action packed stuff in this chapter, but the team delivers the profile of the unsub and Reid and The Brain have an interesting discussion about Pinky._

Hotch, JJ, Morgan and Brain had just returned to the Wichita police office from their interviews. Morgan let out a sigh, "We got no leads..."

Brain crossed his arms, "Like I said, wait till another body shows up."

Suddenly, Justin walked in, "They've found another body."

Morgan groaned a little, "Speak of the devil."

Hotch nodded, "In that case, Brain, you take Reid and go to the dump site. I need to have a word with Agent Pinky."

"All right." Brain nodded, "Hopefully, there will be more clues this time around."

And with that, Brain walked into the room where Reid and Pinky were still talking. Suddenly, Pinky jumped off the desk and ran towards Brain, pulling him into a big hug, "Oh Brain, I missed you SO much! I thought you were a goner. Zort!"

Brain pushed Pinky off of him and he crossed his arms, "Get off me, you imbecile. I was only interviewing the families of victims, I wasn't in any mortal danger."

Pinky giggled a bit, "Troz! I knew that, Brain. I was just testing you!"

Brain sighed and turned to Reid, "Hey, pretty-boy, a new body has been found. Let's go check it out, Hotch's orders."

Reid nodded, "All right. See you later, Pinky."

Pinky waved at the long-haired agent, "Bye, Spencer! Narf!"

Hotch turned to Pinky, "If you don't mind, I'd like to speak with you for a moment."

Pinky smiled warmly, "Oh, I don't mind at all, troz! What do you want to talk about?"

Hotch let out a sigh, "Pinky, do you really think you're cut out to work in law enforcement?"

Pinky rubbed his chin a little, "Well, I like donuts and cops eat donuts. I especially like the donuts with the jelly filling that make my mouth all purple and sticky and the powdered sugar donuts that make me burp fluffy white gas when I-"

"Pinky, how did you become an agent in the BAU?" Hotch asked.

"Oh, I just followed whatever Brain told me. He taught me all these big, funny words like forensics and bigamy." Pinky replied.

Hotch sighed, "To be honest, Pinky. I don't think someone of your mental capacity should be allowed into this field of work."

Pinky scratched his ear, "Poit. What do you mean?"

"I don't think you're smart enough to be on this team." Hotch replied plainly.

Pinky felt his bright blue eyes fill up with tears and his ears wilted, "So, I don't belong here?" A single tear slowly slid down Pinky's muzzle as he hung his head.

Hotch shook his head, he couldn't help but feel a little bad for the rodent, "You're very flighty and scatterbrained, I don't think this will work out well at all for you."

A sob escaped Pinky's throat as more tears rolled down his face, "Please...I...ZORT! I...won't mess up. I just...troz...want to make Brain happy." The mouse nervously clutched his tail and tried his best to hug himself.

Hotch sighed, "All right, then. I have a task for you and JJ. The two of you will go to the lab and examine the bodies of the unsub's victims. Is that clear?" Pinky nodded sadly as Hotch let out a sigh, "Morgan and I will stay behind and ask Garcia for leads."

Meanwhile, Reid and The Brain were walking around the landfill where the dumpsite was and they were deep in conversation. "You know, Brain. Pinky and I had a long conversation when you were gone and he brought up many interesting things." Reid spoke.

Brain raised an eyebrow, "Interesting? Pinky thinks things like dental floss and worn out casette tapes are interesting. How could someone of your genius intellect and such a simpleton find common ground?"

Reid glared at Brain, "You know, Brain, I've had a lot of experience with mental illness before. After all, my mother is a diagnosed schizophrenic."

"So?" Brain asked, crossing his arms.

"Pinky told me about how you sometimes bonk him on the head or yank his nose to stop him. Physical violence is one of the worst things you can do to someone with a legitimate psychological disorder." Reid explained.

Brain rolled his eyes, "Please, Pinky has the IQ of a cornflake."

Reid looked annoyed, "Pinky and I had a long, hour and a half conversation. While he may be a little scatterbrained, he's high-functioning enough to have a conversation with. I think Pinky has his own special intelligence, you're just too blind to see his true potential."

"Are you saying that Pinky isn't stupid? That's a laugh, I've talked to spoons that were smarter than him." Brain huffed.

Reid sighed, "The sad thing is, Pinky has a lot of faith in you and yet you constantly abuse him and put him down. Maybe next time you see him, you should apologize for your actions. If there's one thing I won't tolerate, it's abuse of the developmentally disabled and mentally ill. Just because Pinky asks an inane question gives you no right to hurt him, understood?" Brain grumbled a bit in response and Reid added more to his rant, "Besides, trying to take over the world is an unrealistic goal to set for yourself, it only succeeds in science fiction movies and novels. Pinky's mind is like that of a curious child and you're influencing him like a delusional parent."

Brain let out a sigh, "I only want what's best for the world."

Reid shrugged, "That maybe true, but do you really want what's best for Pinky?"

The big-headed mouse and long-haired agent turned their attention to the wrecked car in the landfill. Reid knelt down and examined the license plate. Getting on his phone, the genius called Garcia. Picking up the phone, Garcia replied, "Hey Reid, what can I do for you?"

"Garcia, I need you to run a license plate number." Reid spoke into the phone and gave Garcia the plate number.

Garcia typed away at the computer, "All right, the car belongs to a Minnie Raymond."

Reid nodded, "Thanks, Garcia. Looks like we have to name of our third victim."

Brain rolled his eyes, "I knew it."

Reid walked around the crushed car and started examining it. Almost instantly, he found a piece of hot pink leather covered in glitter, "What the heck?"

"Leather." Brain replied, "Dyed hot pink for some inane reason."

Reid examined the leather piece and looked at the crushed car, "Call me crazy, but I think I just found out how the victims were killed. I'm calling Hotch."

Meanwhile, JJ and Pinky were sitting outside the lab in a car. Pinky's ears were wilted and he looked like he was about to cry any second as he fiddled with his tail in his hands. JJ gave him a concerned look, "Pinky, is something wrong?"

Pinky shook his head, "No, nothing is wrong. Everything is fine."

JJ raised an eyebrow, "You've been rubbing your tail the entire ride, I think you've got something on your mind."

"As a matter of fact I do." Pinky choked out, "Back when...I was t-talking to poit, Hotch, he told me that I don't belong here."

JJ gently stroked a finger down Pinky's back, "Hotch can be a little strict at times, he's just not used to you and Brain. Give it some time." Pinky could feel salty tears rolling down his snout as he closed his eyes. One by one, the tears dripped from Pinky's red nose and hit the car seat. JJ ran her thumb along the bridge of Pinky's snout, wiping a tear away, "Come on now, don't cry, Pinky. When we get back, I promise I'll get you some chocolate pudding."

Pinky narfed happily and tried to hug JJ the best way he could, "Thanks, JJ. So, are we really gonna look at dead bodies?"

JJ nodded, "That's the plan."

Pinky shuddred, "Egad, I hope they don't come back as zombies, Troz!"

"That's only in horror movies." JJ giggled.

And so, Pinky and JJ entered the lab and walked up to the coroner who smiled at them, "Hello, you must be Jennifer Jareau and you must be Pinky."

"Can you show us Hortense Marshall's body?" JJ asked.

The coroner nodded, "Of course." She pulled out a gurney with a body on it and she took off the tarp. The first things JJ noticed about the body were how crushed it was and bizarrely enough, covered with glitter.

Pinky, too took note of the glitter, "Oooh, glitter. Arts and crafts are so much fun fun silly willy. Narf!"

"Obviously not for Hortense, here." JJ replied dryly, causing Pinky to let out a sad poit in response.

The coroner nodded, "She was crushed to death horizontally, squeezed like a tube of toothpaste till she popped."

Pinky nodded, "Toothpaste is good for oral hygiene. You know what they say, bad breath kills relationships!"

JJ turned to Pinky, "Yeeeeeeah. That's good to know."

Pinky zorted happily as the coroner continued, "She was covered in bruises and every bone in her body was crushed from head to toe, it's almost as if she was killed in some sort of death trap."

Suddenly, JJ's phone rang and she picked it up, "Hello? Spence?"

Meanwhile, Reid was still at the landfill with Brain as he talked into his phone, "JJ, I called Hotch. At this point, I think we're ready to give a profile. I found this piece of hot pink leather near the crushed car. Do you know what this means?"

JJ gasped and shook her head, "A car wash?"

"Correct. Most likely a custom built one in a private residence, no ordinary car wash would use hot pink leather brushes." Reid replied.

JJ sighed, "Just when I thought I've seen it all."

Pinky hopped up and down beside JJ, "Oooh, can I talk with Reid on the phone? Pretty please with monkey cheese on top? Zort!"

JJ raised an eyebrow at Pinky, "Monkey cheese?"

Pinky nodded, "Of course, the fairies make it on the moon!"

JJ gave the goofy mouse a bewildered look, "I'm not sure how to even respond to that." She then spoke into the phone again, "Reid, Pinky wants to talk with you."

JJ handed Pinky the phone and he spoke into it, "Hello Spencer. Where are you? Troz!"

"Oh, hey Pinky. I'm with your friend, The Brain at the landfill. We found another wrecked car." Reid replied.

"Did you find any clues? Zort!" Pinky asked on the other end, "Did vampires attack you?"

"No, vampires did not attack us. However, we found this weird piece of hot pink leather." Reid replied.

"Ooooh. Can I name it Frank?" Pinky asked on the other end.

"Of course you can, Pinky and once this whole thing is over, it can be your pet." Reid responded.

"Oh, I'm so happy! Thank you so much, Doctor Reid! I'll make sure to take extra good carf of it, NARF! I'll feed it and walk it and play with it and take it to the vet in case of an emergency!" Pinky replied on the other end.

Suddenly, Brain tapped Reid's shoulder and Reid spoken into the phone, "Sorry Pinky, gotta go. Brain wants to speak with me."

Reid hung up and Brain glared at him, "For someone with an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187, you sure are a moronic simpleton, Reid. Seriously, letting Pinky keep vital forensic evidence as a pet? Are you out of your mind?"

"It's only until after the court case, then Pinky can have the evidence." Reid replied.

Brain rolled his eyes, "I have no idea why you stick up for that nincompoop and try to make me look like I'm some sort of monster."

Reid let out a sigh, "Look, all I'm saying is that you should take it easy on him. In some way, you probably deeply care for him but the way you treat him is psychologically unhealthy. All those bops on the head, plans for world domination, you're putting a lot of pressure on the poor guy. Pinky can't help the way he is and given that he's a lab mouse, experiments may have made him the way he was. He may have had it rougher than you think."

Brain sighed a little, "I guess...you're right. Are we ready to give the profile?"

Reid pulled a pack of gum from his pocket, "Of course we are but Pinky won't be profiling with us, so I'll distract him with this pack of gum instead."

Later, Hotch, Morgan, Reid, JJ and Brain stood before the press, giving a profile. Hotch began, "We are looking for a killing team of two unsubs consisting of a dominant white teenage female and a submissive middle aged white male."

"Together, they are working on a death trap of sorts that functions as a car wash. The female unsub may be luring her victims with flyers and getting into their cars, giving them directions to the car wash." Morgan added.

"Judging by the way the victims were crushed, it may be symbolic of a rape trauma the female unsub endured when she was younger. Most likely she's targeting the elderly because her rapist was elderly himself as she's killing them as surrogates. She also likely exhibits violent outbursts and mood swings." JJ added.

"The male unsub is likely a doting parental figure who caters to the female unsub's every whim. He may have also worked as a mechanic and may be salvaging parts for the death trap car wash in a scrapyard. He provides the female unsub transport to carry out her hunts." Reid added.

"The pair don't want to draw too much attention to themselves and most likely live on a secluded dirt road or a farm. The male unsub most likely lives off social security because no job would give him the spare time to customize the death trap to such great lengths." Brain added.

"While the male unsub is generally harmless in this case, the female is most likely armed and dangerous. Thank you." Hotch concluded the profile.

**NOTE:** _Next chapter, the unsub's name will be revealed._


	4. Whodunit

In a bright pink room, a teenage girl was laying on her bed, writing in her diary:  
_Dear diary, another freak has been wiped off the face of the planet_  
_Freaks, freaks, freaks, old people disgust me. Bulging veins, weak bodies, stinky breath, walking canes, rapists, scum of the earth_  
_If only I could build a camp of some sort-_

There was a knock on her door, interrupting her thoughts, "Princess?"

In a fit of rage, the girl threw her diary down, stormed up to her mirror closet and punched it with her fist as hard as she could, making a small crack in it. Suddenly, she stormed to her door and flung it open and saw a meek, middle-aged man standing before her. She glared at him, "What have I told you, daddy? Don't speak unless I speak to you first! What's so important that you have to interrupt my diary time?"

"We're out of milk." Her father replied, not looking at her.

"Look me in the eye when I'm speaking to you, daddy." The girl said with frustration. The man ingored and she screamed, "MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME OR ELSE!"

The man shivered, "Of course I will...I'm sorry..."

The girl snorted, "You want your milk?"

The man nodded, "Yes, I do."

The girl sighed, "All right, drop me off at the store. You stay here and fix the car wash once you get back, the last old fart to go through it clogged those beautiful brushes! If you're good, I'll bring you a surprise, daddy."

And so, the father and daughter left the house and drove off to the store.

Meanwhile, Pinky was talking to Garcia on speakerphone. He was dipping a stick of gum, wrapper and all into a cup of chocolate pudding JJ gave him and sucking on it. Garcia couldn't help but chuckle, "I've never seen someone eat pudding like that."

Pinky giggled, "You should try it sometime, it's fun fun silly willy. Zort!"

Garcia laughed a bit, "No thanks, I'll just stick with a spoon. So, how long have you known Brain?"

Pinky smiled, "A really really really really really really really really really really long time. NARF!"

Garcia laughed, "That's pretty long. What was the laboratory like where you live?"

Pinky smiled, his muzzle smeared with chocolate, "I used to live at ACME labs but now Brain and I live at a new laboratory. I forget it's name, though."

Garcia once again laughed at Pinky's antics. Meanwhile, JJ and Reid approached Hotch. JJ sighed, "So, I heard you made Pinky cry."

Hotch rolled his eyes, "I was only telling the truth, I don't think he has it in him to be an agent."

"He was in tears for nearly the entire car ride when I was with him." JJ replied.

Reid nodded in agreement with JJ, "I talked to Pinky for an hour and a half so I've gotten some time to know him. He may be a little eccentric but he seems to have a knack for thinking outside the box. If you want my opinion, I think he'd be useful to the BAU because of his unorthodox thought process. I think you owe him an apology, Hotch."

Hotch sighed, "Once he proves his worth to the BAU, I'll apologize."

Hotch walked away from the two agents and JJ rolled her eyes, "Stubborn as ever."

Meanwhile, Morgan had gotten up and walked over to Pinky who was talking on the speakerphone with Garcia, "Hey, babygirl. Are you flirting with Pinky here?"

"Ummmm...no. We were just having a fun chat." Garcia admitted.

"Good." Morgan replied, "Cause I don't want anyone taking my girl away, understand?" The African-american agent turned to Pinky.

Pinky giggled, "Oh, poit. You don't have to worry about that. I'm already married to Shiela!" The mouse pulled a cactus plant out of his pocket and it was wearing a wedding dress, "It's a pretty rocky marriage. We're considering divorce."

Morgan raised an eyebrow, "You're married to a cactus plant?"

Pinky nodded, "Our anniversary is in three months, Troz!"

Suddenly, Brain entered and walked up to Pinky, "Come, Pinky. We need to have a talk."

Pinky turned to Morgan and smiled, "See you later, Morgan. Narf!"

The two mice walked away and Brain spoke up, "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

Pinky blinked his blue eyes a few times, "I think so, Brain but didn't Hotch just rickroll us back in Virginia?"

Brain sighed, "We're not here to make small talk with the agents, Pinky. We're here to solve this case then take over the world!"

Pinky nodded, "All right, Brain...hey, do you suppose the unsub likes chocolate pudding?" Brain smacked his own forehead in response to Pinky's inane question.

Meanwhile, the girl was in the store's dairy section. Opening the fridge door, she pulled out a gallon of milk and examinated that date on it, "Damn...this one's expired."

Suddenly, someone tapped her shoulder. She spun around to see a teenage boy with curly brown hair, "Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?"

The girl shook her head, "No, you don't look familiar. Are you hitting on me?"

The boy nodded, "Remember, you were passing out flyers to a car wash?"

"Oh yeah, you were that jerk I pulled my taser on. What do you want?" The girl replied.

The boy smiled, "You...wanna have sex in the bathroom? I'm still a virgin and my friends keep telling me I need to get laid."

The girl sighed. But then, she had an idea. She still needed to blow off some steam for her interrupted diary time. The boy was a perfect stress reliever. She faked a smile at him, "Worst pickup line ever but you're honest so all right. I'm here to pick up milk for daddy, but I guess being sidetracked wouldn't hurt."

The boy grinned, "Score!"

And so, the girl led the boy into a women's restroom and they closed the door behind them. Once they got into the stall, the girl was quick to unbutton the guy's shirt as she grinned at him, "First time, huh?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm Trevor, by the way. What's your name?" The boy asked.

"Paige." The girl replied, taking off her top, "Believe me, you're going to love this. Close your eyes and count to 3."

Paige pulled a switchblade from her pocket and Trevor closed his eyes, "One..." Paige flicked the switchblade open. "Two..." Paige raised it. "Three!"

Instantly, Trevor's eyes snapped open and Paige plunged the switchblade into his neck, severing his vocal cords before he had a chance to scream. Paige then raised the blade and stabbed his an additional 3 times in the chest, the final blow piercing his heart, killing him instantly. Smiling, Paige put back on her top, retracted her switchblade and calmly walked out of the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Hotch was talking on Garcia on the speakerphone, "Garcia, pull up a list of female children who were molested in Wichita as far as 11 years ago."

Garcia pulled up a list of names, "I got 84 names."

"Now cross-reference them with fathers who worked as mechanics or engineers." Reid added.

"3 names" Garcia replied.

"Are any of them on Social Security, baby girl?" Morgan asked.

Garcia typed away at her computer and her jaw dropped, "I got a name, Corkey Hershel and his daughter, Paige Moore. Paige was molested by her uncle, Lloyd Hershel at a Christmas party when she was 5. According to court documents, she was beaten with a leather belt, pushed against a wall and raped. Surprisingly, Lloyd was declared innocent, rape charges were dropped and he went free. Paige was kicked out of three middle schools for violence and institutionalized. She was eventually released a year before the killing started. Recently, her uncle Lloyd has developed early onset Alzheimer's according to medical records."

"She's been working on the car wash project for a year." JJ mused, "Why do they have different last names?"

"Paige's mother, Alice Moore died in a car accident a year before the rape occured." Garcia explained.

"Do you have an address?" Morgan asked.

Garcia nodded, "I'm sending it to your phones."

Pinky giggled uncontrollably, "The unsub's last name is Hershey Bar and his first name is Corkey. NARF!"

Brain groaned at Pinky, "No, you dunce. His last name is Hershel, not Hershey Bar. Do you know what this means?"

"Ummmm..." Pinky thought, "We'll go and buy some Hershey bars at the grocery store?"

Brain slapped his face, "No, now that we know where the unsub lives, we're going on a raid."

"Right-O, Brain. ZORT!" Pinky cheered.

Suddenly, Justin Time walked in, "Another body has been found. This time at the Save-A-Lot grocery store bathroom. He's been stabbed in the neck and chest."

Hotch nodded, "All right. JJ, The Brain and I will take Hershel. Morgan, Reid and Pinky, go after Moore. If the kill at the store is fresh, she may be nearby."

Meanwhile, Paige was hitchhiking and a car stopped for her. A middle-aged woman with long brown hair spoke or her from the driver's side window, "Do you need a lift?"

Paige nodded, "I need to get to my uncle's house. Today is his birthday and I've got a gift for him."

"Get on in, then. I'm sure your uncle will be very pleased." And so, Paige hopped in the car and it sped off.


	5. The Raid

**NOTE:** _Funny thing is, when I first tried writing a Criminal Minds/Pinky And The Brain crossover fic, Brain was going to originally be an unsub but I decided to scrap the idea because I can't see Brain as a serial killer. Anyway, this chapter is about the raid. The idea for the case in this fic came from the fact that I used to collect pieces of car wash brushes as a kid. I'm not joking about that, I really did collect them and put them in ziplock baggies. Also, Paige Moore (the unsub) was inspired by Katie Ka-Boom from Animaniacs but replace turning into a hulk monster with going psycho with a knife. Paige may even have a worse temper than Katie. Then again, her mother died in a car accident and she was raped by her uncle._

A variation of the Pinky and The Brain theme song started played in the background as the agents got into their cars and took off:

_They're Pinky and The Brain _  
_Yes, Pinky and The Brain _  
_One is a genius _  
_The other's insane. _  
_They're laboratory mice _  
_Their genes have been spliced _  
_They're dinky _  
_They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain _  
_Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain _  
_Brain. _

_Before each night is done, they'll wear their vest and gun_  
_When they give the profile, the unsub's on the run_

_They're Pinky and the Brain, Pinky and the Brain_  
_They joined the BAU, it's easy to explain_  
_JJ and Garcia_  
_Morgan and Reid_  
_They're federal agents_  
_And Hotch is in the lead_

_They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!_

Once the song finished, Morgan, Reid and Pinky got out of the squad car. Pinky smartly ditched his high heels but looked absolutely ridiculous in a red dress with a custom sized FBI kevlar vest over it. Morgan and Reid were also suited up in kevlar. They entered the store which was now closed off as a crime scene. Pinky turned to Morgan, "Why is it all closed off?"

Morgan sighed, "Crime scene, nobody wants to walk in on a dead body."

"Poit. That's smart, nobody wants to face a zombie." Pinky nodded.

Morgan groaned and the three entered the store and he turned to Reid and Pinky, "You guys check out the crime scene, I'll talk to the cashier about Paige."

Reid and Pinky walked to the bathroom which was conveniently located in the front. Reid entered the bathroom and Pinky gasped in shock, "You can't go in there, it's the ladies' room!"

"The body was found here and JJ is with Hotch and Brain, it won't take long." Reid explained.

Pinky blushed a little, "Oooh, I feel so naughty going in the ladies room. I'm a real bad boy. Troz!"

Reid looked at the body, "He was identified as Trevor Jackson, a local teen. Different than our unsub's victimology. Maybe the run-in was incidental and she used him to unload her anger. She knew to strike the windpipe so he couldn't scream when she killed him. Marks appear to be make from a switchblade."

Pinky frowned, "Poit. He's topless in the ladies' room. That's so indecent of him."

"Paige likely lured him in here for sex." Reid explained.

"Reid, I still feel dirty being in here." Pinky complained.

Reid sighed, "Most women's restrooms are just plain old restrooms but with no urinal. Besides, with that dress of yours, you could easily pull off being a lady."

Pinky fluttered his eyelashes, "Ooooh, a pretty one?"

Reid nodded, "In a way. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, after all."

Meanwhile, Morgan had just finished talking to the cashier and buying a Hershey Bar and was on the phone with Garcia, "She's nearby and couldn't have gone far. What's the address of her uncle's house? If she's been killing surrogates all along, at some point, she'll go after the real deal."

Garcia typed away on her computer on the other end, "Sending you his address right now."

Morgan watched as Reid and Pinky approached him, "Thanks, baby girl. I'll GPS it."

Reid looked at Morgan, "The bathroom kill was incidental."

"And now she's going after the real target." Morgan replied, handing the Hershey Bar to Pinky.

Pinky chirped happily, "Thanks for the candy, Morgan!"

Morgan nodded, "Yeah, I knew you had a craving. Now let's move out."

Meanwhile, Hotch, JJ and Brain just pulled into Corkey's driveway and got out of the squad car, wearing kevlar vests and holding guns. Hotch walked up to the door and knocked on it, "Corkey Hershel? FBI!"

A few seconds passed and JJ turned around to see Corkey fleeing from the back, "FBI! Stop!"

JJ, Hotch and Brain started chasing after him and eventually, JJ fired a shot at his leg, causing him to trip and fall. Corkey felt tears rolling down his face from the pain in his leg and the next thing he knew, Hotch was on top of him, putting him in handcuffs, "What did I do?" Corkey whimpered pathetically.

"Corkey Hershel, you are under arrest for an accessory to murder." Hotch explained.

Corkey sobbed uncontrollably and Brain scoffed at him, "Pathetic. A grown man crying like a scared little puppy. You should be ashamed."

Hotch escorted Corkey to the back on the squad car and the man whimpered in fear. Hotch turned to him, "Where's your daughter?"

Corkey sniffled as a few tears dripped from his face, "I...I dropped her off at the store to buy some milk. We were out."

Meanwhile, JJ and Brain were at the control panel. JJ looked at all the buttons, "This must be where Paige operated the machine."

Brain nodded, "Even though he's a pathetic, spineless crybaby, I admire Corkey's skills with machinery."

JJ pressed a button and the hot pink brushes started spinning. She watched as they closed together. Electronic buzzing was heard as the brushes stopped and went back to their original position, "Corkey must've had a lot of time on his hands if he were to customize his garage to feed his daughter's homicidal urges."

"I find the fact that Paige wanted her victims to be raped to death by machines rather disturbing." Brain commented, "Hopefully Pinky will be all right going up against her."

JJ smiled at Brain, "He's with Derek Morgan, I'm sure he'll be fine."

And with that, JJ entered the house with Brain continued examining the car wash, "Brushes made of hot pink leather? Glitter everywhere? This is the most ridiculous piece of tween trash I've ever seen. Looks even worse than Twilight."

Hotch turned to Corkey, "So, instead of getting your daughter help like any normal parent would, you supported her homicidal tendencies by building a death trap?"

Corkey sighed, "I just want to make my daughter happy."

Hotch raised an eyebrow, "By giving her a taste of blood and letting her murder three innocent people?"

Corkey nodded, "She needed a way to blow off steam and get rid of all that pent up anger. I figured it would be healthy for her."

Suddenly, JJ emerged from the house with a book in her hand, "Guys, I think I just found her diary. Everything is written in pink ink, it's a little hard to read on this white paper. All I could make out is 'From where it all began' and a couple mentions of Lloyd."

Meanwhile, Morgan was driving his squad car with Reid in the passenger's seat and Pinky in the back. Pinky was happily nibbling on a Hershey bar as Morgan spoke, "Paige wanted to go after her uncle the whole time, so why did she kill all those innocent surrogates first?"

"Her father wanted her to kill as an emotional release." Reid replied, "He supported her aggressive behavior and provided her with the tools she needed to kill."

"Naaarf, like power drills, saws and wrenches?" Pinky asked.

Reid shrugged, "Not necessarily but those have been used as murder weapons before."

"Poit. I'll never look at a hardware store the same way again." Pinky replied.

"We're almost there, guys. Just one more block." Morgan announced.

Meanwhile, Paige had arrived at her uncle Lloyd's house and she was holding a knife behind her back, "Hello, uncle...remember me?"

Lloyd adjusted his glasses, "Can't say I do. Who are you again?"

Paige glared at him as she tilted her head, "I'm the girl you beat and raped 10 years ago. Remember, the Christmas party? I was only 5 back then."

Lloyd scratched his head, "Doesn't ring any bells."

Paige suddenly pulled the knife from her back and approached him, "Don't play stupid with me, you disgusting freak! It was a "miracle" that you got off scot-free at the trial!"

"I was only playing." Lloyd replied.

"PLAYING!? I'll show you what playing is! THIS is playing!" Paige screamed as she stabbed Lloyd in his stomach. The old man doubled over in pain, clutching his gut as Paige but her arm around his neck and pressed the knife to his throat, "This is gonna hurt you much more than it's gonna hurt me."

Suddenly, Reid and Pinky burst through the door, guns drawn. "It's over, Paige. Drop the knife and step away from your uncle." Reid spoke calmly.

Paige scoffed, "He's old, he's gonna die soon anyway."

Pinky turned to Reid, "I got this, Reid."

Reid looked at Pinky, "You sure?"

Pinky nodded, "Poit. I'm positive."

Paige snorted at the sight of Pinky. He looked ridiculous in his red dress, navy blue FBI vest and blonde wig, "A lab mouse? Is this some kind of joke?"

Pinky's ears wilted and he whimpered a bit, "Paige...I know you must be really upset now."

Paige raised an eyebrow, "Upset? Damn right I am. Anything else you wanna say before I gut this old fart like a pig?"

"Narf." Pinky replied.

"What?" Paige asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Pinky let out a sigh, "Say it with me, Paige. Say narf. You know you want to." The bucktoothed labmouse smiled the goofiest smile ever and crossed his eyes, sticking his tongue out, "Naaaaarf!"

Paige looked absolutely confused, "What are you babbling on about? What is narf?"

"Egad, you just said it. Troz!" Pinky cheered, "Doesn't it feel so cleansing? Now take a deep breath and find your happy place. Rainbows, unicorns, Katy Perry CDs..."

"What for? I'm about to kill my uncle and you want me to do yoga?" Paige looked more confused than ever now.

Morgan crept up from behind Paige as Pinky nodded, "Look deep into my eyes, empty your hands, think happy thoughts."

Suddenly, Pinky's eyes began to glow as Paige stared into them. Her hand trembled and she dropped the knife. In an instant, Morgan was on her, handcuffing her. Immediately snapping out of the trance Pinky put her in, she glared at him, "What the hell are you doing!?"

"Paige Moore, you are under arrest for the murders of Hortense Marshall, Dan Winters, Minnie Raymond and Trevor Jackson. You have the right to remain silent." Morgan replied.

Reid spoke into his walkie-talkie at the sight of Lloyd's stab wound, "We need a medic."

And with that, Morgan led Paige to the squad car while Reid and Pinky watched. Paige screamed the whole way there, "YOU GHETTO TRASH! I'M A PRINCESS, I AM ROYALTY. A PEASANT LIKE YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'LL SEND YOU TO ALABAMA , YOU'LL BE FORCED TO WORK IN COTTON FIELDS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

Pinky giggled a bit, "Woooo, ZORT! She sounds angry."

"Angry and racist." Reid nodded stoically, "She'll cool down in jail, though."

Pinky nodded, pulling out his Hershey bar and nibbling on it some more. Morgan had gotten Paige into the squad car as she screamed at him, "DADDY WILL GET ME OUT, YOU'LL SEE. I'M A PRINCESS!"

Morgan shook his head, "Trust me, Paige. You won't be getting out anytime soon. Oh, and by the way, welcome to the 21st century."

Morgan closed the car door as Paige continued screaming and walked up to Reid and Pinky. He smiled as he looked at Pinky, "You did good, kid."

Pinky grinned with chocolate stained teeth, "Thanks, Morgan."

Reid turned to Pinky, "I'm surprised you managed to hypnotize the unsub. How did you do it?"

Pinky shrugged, "Oh, the tests did some craaaaaaazy things back to me at the lab. Poit!"

Morgan opened his phone and called Hotch, "We got her. Pinky actually made the unsub surrender. Didn't know he had it in him."

Hotch was on the other end, "Good to know, Morgan. We caught Hershel, he ran but didn't put up a very big fight."

"He cried like a pathetic, cowardly baby." Brain grumbled.

Morgan nodded on the other end, "All right, Hotch. Looks like this case is closed. Bye."

Pinky snuggled against the wrapper of his Hershey bar, "Oh...Darlene, you bring me so much joy!"

Morgan raised an eyebrow, "I thought you were married to a cactus."

Pinky nodded, "Yeah, but I've decided to divorce her. At first, her spikes kind of tickled but she's been having an affair with me for Glenn."

Morgan blinked, "Who is Glenn?"

"Oh, ZORT! He's a big old sunflower. Thinks he's a real hotshot." Pinky grumbled. Suddenly, tears began to fill Pinky's eyes as he whimpered softly, "I thought she loved me! She broke my heart into teeny weeny beanie weanie pieces!"

Morgan looked more confused than ever, "So, let me get this straight, your cactus wife cheated on you for a sunflower and now you're dating a Hershey bar wrapper?" Pinky poited sadly in response, tears dripping down his face. Morgan sighed, "That's just plain weird. Just when I thought I'd seen it all."

Reid sighed, "Weird is such a judgemental term. For all we know, Pinky's dating habits may be socially acceptable in some cultures outside our own."

"True." Morgan nodded, "Very true."

Pinky stopped crying and continued snuggling the candy wrapper, "I've actually dated a horse before named Pharfignewton. And Spencer does make a good point. Narf! You shouldn't be so judgemental of others."

Morgan nodded, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

**NOTE:** _Surprised? Pinky had just hypnotized a serial killer into surrendering. I suppose Pinky having hypno powers wouldn't be much of a stretch considering he has shown telekinesis in the PATB episode "Fly". The reason Pinky's in drag in this story is because he's acting as a replacement for Greenaway/Prentiss/Blake who are all female. Yeah, the story is a bit rushed. It's hard to keep my train of thought going at times. I may not update this for a week or two. I need to work on the aftermath chapter and I need another quote for the jet scene. The voiceover quote thingy will be done by Pinky._


	6. Aftermath

**NOTE:** _I hope you're enjoying this story. It's kinda hard to write, I've been distracted a lot these days. BTW, this story appears after the episode #6 but before Brothers Hotchner/The Replicator._

The BAU jet was flying back to Virginia as Pinky read a quote, "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That is why it's called the present. - Master Oogway, Kung Fu Panda. Hahaha...Oogway is a funny name, Zort!"

Pinky and JJ were sitting at a table playing Go Fish with each other using poker cards. JJ smiled at Pinky, "You know, you've got some real potential. You could be a real benefit to the team if you can hypnotize the unsub."

Pinky blushed and giggled, "Thank you, JJ. Narf! You know, I've just started wondering, are you a mommy?"

JJ smiled, "How did you know?"

Pinky shrugged, "Sixth sense, I guess. I'm a mommy, too. I have a son named Romy. He's a ventriloquist!"

JJ raised an eyebrow, "You? A...mother?"

Pinky giggled, "It's a long story about clones and toenail clippings. Zort! But he's the apple of my eye." The mouse let out a sigh and wiped a nostalgic tear from his eye, "So, you got any sevens?"

JJ chuckled, "As a matter of fact, I do."

Pinky gasped, "Egad, JJ, you are good at this game!"

Across the aisle, Hotch and Morgan were talking to each other. Morgan looked at Hotch, "You know, Reid and JJ were right about you underestimating Pinky. If he can hypnotize an unsub just like that, he can be a real benefit to the team."

Hotch nodded, "I guess your right. I do owe him an apology."

Hotch got up and walked over to Pinky who was casually drawing a mustache on the queen of hearts card. The lab mouse's attention turned to Hotch, "Oh, hi. NARF! How's it going, Hotch?"

"I'd like to say that I'm sorry for making you cry earlier. That was unprofessional of me and I clearly underestimated your abilities." Hotch said.

Pinky shook his head, "It's all right, Hotch. I was over that a long time ago. Zort!"

"So, water under the bridge?" Hotch asked.

Pinky blinked, "What bridge?"

"It's an expression." Hotch replied, folding his arms.

Pinky giggled a bit, "Ohhh...Narf!" There was an awkward silence, "I still don't get it..."

Meanwhile, Brain and Reid were still playing chess and Reid was on a winning streak, having beaten Brain three times in a row. Brain was getting frustrated, "I'm supposed to be future ruler of the world. Why do I keep losing to you?"

Reid sighed, "Even megalomaniacs have their bad days. You can't be perfect all the time. Garcia recently taught me the term Mary Sue. If you were a Mary Sue, you'd beat me at chess every single time despite the fact we're about equal levels of intelligence."

Brain raised an eyebrow, "So, does that make you a Mary Sue?"

Reid shook his head, "No, I've just played chess longer than you have. You're a two year old mouse who most likely used a time machine to get here, so I've clearly had more practice."

Brain grumbled a bit as Morgan walked up to them, "Looks like someone's still a sore loser. We'll be landing in Virginia soon, the two of you should pack it up."

The geniuses nodded and packed up the chess board. Pinky and JJ were still engaged in conversation and JJ nodded, "Yeah, when we raided Hershel's house, Brain told me he was worried about you going up against Moore."

Pinky gasped, "Really? He was worried about me?" The goofy labmouse squealed with joy and hugged himself, "Eeeee, warm warm fuzzy wuzzies. Troz!"

JJ nodded, "Despite all those bonks on the head, I think Brain deeply cares about you."

Pinky shrugged, "Oh, those bonks don't even hurt me. In fact, I kinda like it."

JJ raised an eyebrow, "You like it?"

Pinky nodded, "Those bonks come from the kindness of his warm, grumpy little heart. Heeheehee, they're love-bonks. NARF!"

"Love bonks?" JJ asked, "Well, if you say so."

Pinky nodded, "I know so. Brain and I have a...special connection. Zort!"

And with that, the jet finally landed and everyone got out at the FBI office in Virginia. As they all walked through the halls, they were greeted by David Rossi who smiled at them, "Looks like I missed out on all the action."

Pinky gasped with excitement, "Oh, it was so much fun fun silly-willy! It was in Wichita, city of witches! Pink car wash brushes, angry teenage girl, chocolate pudding and hershey bars, cotton fields, Hotch made me cry but now it's all water under the bridge. Troz! Hi, I'm Pinky! And you are?"

Rossi stared at Pinky, "I'm David Rossi, one of the BAU agents. I was in Italy."

Pinky smiled, "Oh. Poit. You're the one who was trying to find your roots, I thought you were a tree. Anyway, I am SO glad the unsub wasn't a vampire."

Rossi turned to the rest of the team, "A crossdressing, genetically-alterred lab mouse agent? Really?"

Reid nodded, "He's actually pretty good, he confused and hypnotized the unsub into surrendering, which I thought was pretty impressive."

"I made funny eyes and she dropped the knife!" Pinky added, bouncing up and down.

Brain glared at Pinky and turned to Rossi, "Please excuse my associate, he's about as smart as bubblewrap."

Pinky giggled, "Ooooh, NARF! I just loooooove bubblewrap. It feels all poppity pop poppy under my feet!"

Reid turned to Brain, "Seriously, you should stop underestimating him."

Morgan nodded in agreement, "Kid's got talent. He may act a little strange but he could almost be a secret weapon of the BAU."

JJ nodded, "More than just a weapon, Pinky's a real nice guy. He's actually kinda funny."

Hotch nodded, "I think he deserves a reward of some sort."

Rossi shrugged, "I have no clue what's going on, but you guys really seem to like this guy. All right, he can replace Blake until she gets out of her wheelchair."

Brain turned to Pinky and grabbed him by his snout, "Don't forget about our plan, Pinky."

Pinky nodded, "Right-o, Brain."

Later, a press conference was held in Virginia to the press. Pinky stood proudly at the podium as Hotch placed a medal around his neck, "For being the first FBI agent to ever hypnotize a serial killer into surrendering, we the BAU, award Pinky with this medal of courage."

Pinky choked back a sob with warm tears of joy streaming down his muzzle, "Poit. Thank you, Hotch." Wiping his tear-filled blue eyes, Pinky sniffled a few times, "Really, I do love all the attention you're giving me but...the true hero here is...The Brain."

Brain gasped, "What?"

Pinky spoke into the microphone, "Brain has taught me many things, he's so smart and always knows just what to do. He's destined to become a great leader one day. Me? I'm just a little lab mouse in a big world, a world soon to be ruled by my best friend for life...so I'm taking this medal and giving it to Brain. NARF! Not because I want to, but because my heart tells me to." Brain felt tears well in his eyes at Pinky's words and the taller labmouse lept off the podium, ran up to him, handed him the medal. Blinking the salty tears from his bright blue eyes, Pinky pulled Brain into a tight hug, "Now go wow them, Brain! You know I have faith in you. Zort!"

Brain was led up to the podium, completely speechless from Pinky's heartfelt words. Closing his eyes, Brain had a flashback to the Christmas that Pinky gave him a keychain of the world. He was so close at succeeding with his plan but he let his feelings get in the way. Taking a deep breath, he took the medallion and began swinging it back and forth. He wasn't going to make that same mistake twice, "Citizens of the United States, I am The Brain, you must do as I command, you are all under my control. I am your new leader...I.."

Suddenly, a hand yanked the medal out of Brain's grip and he looked up to see an angry blonde older woman. She glared at him, "I'll be taking that from you, thank you very much. Agent Pinky earned this medal."

Brain glared at the woman, "Who do you think you are?"

The woman glared back, "I am the team supervisor, Erin Strauss. As far as I'm concerned, you're an agent no longer. Trying to use us to hypnotize the American public is intolerable!"

Brain gasped, "But...Pinky gave me the medal, you see..."

Strauss shook her head, "I don't want to hear it, you're off the force, Agent Brain. Pinky, welcome to the BAU."

Brain turned and glared back at the BAU, "Hmph! Well, if you guys are so smart, why don't you profile me?"

Hotch nodded, "Gladly. You're a megalomaniac but you're not a complete egotist or sociopath. You're on a mission to make the world a better place but you prefer to do it with an iron fist."

"Most likely you suffer from an inferiority complex and you wish to boost your ego by becoming a great leader. Perhaps you were underestimated too much in the past." Reid added.

"You are obsessive-compulsive with your plans for world domination but to you there's one thing more important than that: Pinky." Morgan added.

"You're relationship with Pinky is like that of an angry parent and confused child or alternately, an old married couple. Deep down, you care for Pinky but you don't like showing it because you're afraid of looking vulnerable." JJ added.

Pinky giggled a bit, "Troz! The truth hurt, don't it, Brain?"

Brain was speechless but then he marched away in a fit of rage, "Come Pinky, let us go back to the lab."

Pinky's ears wilted, "But...Brain...I'm a profiler now...Poit...I...have a job now..."

Brain gasped, "What? That's nonsense, you couldn't profile your way out of a cardboard box!"

Morgan nodded, "It's true, Brain. He's one of us til Blake gets better."

Brain looked at Pinky with bewilderment, "Pinky..."

Pinky sighed, "It's all right, Brain. I'll still get to live in the lab with you. Narf! It's just..."

"You may have to postpone your world domination plans if Pinky gets called in on a case." Hotch replied.

Brain hung his head, "Really..." There was a long, awkward silence before Brain shouted, "YES! Finally, I get to work on my plans in peace."

Pinky turned to JJ with tears in his eyes, "So, I'll still get to see Brain?"

JJ smiled at Pinky and petted him behind the ears, "Of course you will. I'm a mother, Hotch is a father, some of us have loved ones, too that we care about very much."

Pinky rubbed the tears from his eyes and sighed, "Poit..."

Rossi walked up to Pinky and shook his hand, "Welcome to the team, Pinky. I'm sure you'll do a fine job filling in Blake's shoes."

Pinky laughed a bit, "Hahahahaha. ZORT! Gee, I wonder if her shoes will match my dress."

Brain rolled his eyes, "It's just an expression, you nitwit."

"Right-O, Brain!" Pinky laughed hopping up and down. And so, the two lab mice departed to their new lab on a bus. Upon getting off the bus, Pinky's cellphone started ringing. He opened it up and answered it, "Hello, this is Pinky speaking. Narf!"

"May I speak to Brain? I have a message for him: Zug-ZWANG!" An electronic voice boomed on the other end.

Pinky handed Brain his cellphone, "Brain, it's for you."

Brain picked it up, "Hello?"

"Brain, you shall not be the ruler of the world, for I shall be the ruler of the world!" The electronic voice boomed.

Brain spoke angrily into the phone, "Look pal, I have no idea what your problem is, but..."

The phone hung up and Pinky shrugged, "He said the word Zugzwang, Brain. Hahahahaha, what a funny word, Troz! Is Zugzwang the name of a village in the middle east?"

Brain looked at Pinky who was casually sticking his tongue out and making an adorably dopey smile, "Ummm...yes, yes it is, Pinky."

"Oh. Poit. Can we go there sometime?" Pinky asked.

Brain shrugged, "Sure...why not?" The big-headed labmouse looked down and sighed, "Pinky, about this new job of yours...don't let my plans of world domination get in the way of it. If you're out catching serial killers, then that's a good thing."

Pinky whimpered softly, "But, Brain...I don't think I can save all the cardboard and color changing cereal spoons..."

Brain shook his head, "No, you can't, Pinky. It's a hard fact of life for an FBI agent. But, you're helping the world in some way and that's what I want."

Pinky smiled and blinked his bright blue eyes, "So, what are we gonna do tomorrow night?"

Brain sighed, "Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try and take over the world!"

They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain!

Meanwhile, a mysterious figure stood in a darkroom, black-and-white photographs of Pinky and the Brain completely covered the room from ceiling to floor. The photos covered all the exploits of the duo since the days of Animaniacs. The figure smirked to itself and whispered eerily, "Gnawzguz..."

The end?

**NOTE:** _So, now Pinky has joined the BAU and become an agent (til Alex Blake gets better, anyways). Meanwhile, Brain is kicked out and goes back to his nightly plans of taking over the world. Wow! Talk about a cliffhanger. Could that mysterious figure really be the Replicator or someone else entirely? And as for Brain, how will he go about his plans when Pinky is out catching killers? I have a sequel planned with some ideas. A previous villain from Pinky And The Brain will square off against the BAU and someone will be kidnapped at some point. I really hope you've enjoyed this story, feel free to review and tell me your thoughts. _


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